Quake Warning!
Warning: Old School Lunacy. Fifty kilowatts of cars in a muddy field with an Earthquake meter! This 1998 seismological experiment relied on Adam’s A level geology, a schmooze with a seismologist at the British Geological Survey and some real nutters who brought their rides. It was repeated twice down the years but hasn’t been done for ages.
How about doing our very own ground-quake at a TA meet some time? It is NOT for sealed-up SPL dragsters. This, girls and boys, is a celebration of Street Bass. Low throbbing. McDonalds irritating, cash-machine jarring, get you arrested, no rehearsals, ground pounding. One for the older members, some of whom are now TA aristocracy and will recall being there. If you are out there and have the pictures, let’s have them. First seen in Fast Car in a different edit.
Fifty Kilowatts of cars in a Muddy Field
When the Big Boys get together, the ground shakes. Mad Seismo-nutter Rayner commits his most extremely expensive fantasy to the pages of history.
Do you know much about earthquakes? Not many folk do. I learned a bit about them during ‘A’ level Geology and at Uni. (Yes, I was student tosser, too.) Like any major act of God, the entire works of man are as nothing next to the might unleashed during a really good ‘quake. Generally, the less developed the country, the more savage the resultant death toll. India, Turkey, Kobe in Japan and right slap-dab in the heart of California are all recent enough killers to be remembered. Many lose their lives, yet every ‘quake has stories of incredible survival through lucky escapes and bare rations while trapped. Bearing in mind that it also razes civilisation off the surface of the planet, it’s also the ultimate in cost. Want to really waste cash? Build a glass tower in San Francisco and try to insure it before The Big One hits….
Once upon a time I worked for a brand of car audio actually called ‘Earthquake of San Francisco’. The night I finally ironed their gaudy logo transfer on to the back of my own blue Mr. Fat B*****d label denim jacket, (well, I thought it was cool) was the very night and the same twenty minutes of real time when twenty thousand souls perished in India. I felt a bit of a fool in the morning and couldn’t wear it. Odd that.
Anyway, a seismic wobbly respect and deep fear of the ground shaking beneath your feet is at the root of this feature. Never done by any other audio journalist except yours truly. You do need to have a grasp of audio and Earth Sciences at the same time to set it up. I did try it once for Magical Powers but it was a bit sad, frankly. The radio transmitter didn’t work. I had nine relatively weedy vehicles only, with one of them alone able to hit one-fifty dB. This time, I had more power, more control, more cars and more bass and a whole load more attitude. A bit like the second-generation version of the advert kid who wants lots of Creme Eggs the second time.
Did you see that film, ‘Tremors’? It was about darn great mutated sci-fi worms with spiky come-eat-you tongues, that could burrow at 50 mph in the valley floor. Well, the scientist lass in that flick had one tool I wanted. A seismometer.
Stuff Decibels, This Is Richter
You measure sound levels with one kind of machine. An SPL meter. You can measure explosions with something quite else, something more at home in a quarry than an audio lab, a seismometer. It was hired from a firm of blasting consultants called Vibrock, in Derbyshire. Normally sober-sided geoscience types. They are the chaps who will, as a consultancy firm, help quarry owners learn just how big a blast of high explosives they can safely blow up at a time, without accidentally demolishing the quaint stone-built village on the other side of the hill they are quarrying.
As well as getting the help of these experts, and their national-standards-calibrated V401 , to measure the peak particle velocity and the frequency and intensity of any shaking in all three dimensions, (well it sounds dead technical, doesn’t it?) I also called up the British Geological Survey’s Glenn Ford, a member of the Global Seismology team. Believe me, every single nation of seismologists around the world, and their machinery is needed to help measure and locate the epicentre and focus of all of the quakes I have mentioned and thousands of others. Bet you didn’t know that the UK has quakes all the time? Just not very big. Usually.
Now get this, my very first plan had been to ask to go and have my tribe of bass wagons measured at one of the national seismometer sites run by the BGS. But the truth is, that if we really shook the ground and a real event came in through the Earth’s crust, we could mask it and so interfere with the proper scientific purpose of the Global Seismology department. We took their advice to rent a meter and they very kindly offered to do our sums, to get the numbers out we ‘needed’.
For yea, verily, I didn’t want to measure these guys by decibels SPL. I’d spent the whole competition season compering on the microphone and thus comparing their best SPL efforts against each other in the dB drag lanes, so I knew what they could do. I wanted a Richter Magnitude, the same as they rate real earthquakes with. You take the data from a seismometer (make some fairly unscientific assumptions to allow you to do the sums for our jape versus a real ‘quake) and you end up with a Richter scale value for the magnitude.
Any one of these guys’ cars could trigger an anti-tamper alarm in an ATM cash machine. Could we make the ground shake hard enough to frighten the Japanese?
How It Was Done
First of all, I asked Santa Pod, the home of UK drag racing, to be our hosts. I needed turf and space for all my mates and most crucially of all, somewhere we could really let rip at well over one hundred and fifty decibels. The end of the hallowed quarter mile, on the wrong side of the earth banking was the best spot.
Before they went for it, the sensor of the ‘quake ‘n shake-o-meter was buried snugly up to its neck in the very sod of Santa Pod. The triggering level of the device was reached easily each time and we recorded a bunch of ‘events’. All the vehicles playing the same musical thing, Yello. Then Iceman J. Then all their own favourite loudest tracks simultaneously and even just the legendary K&M Acoustics ‘We’re banned everywhere’ Transit van, all on its own.
The Car’s the Star
To their eternal credit and my huge gratitude, these lovely, sweet, raving bloody lunatics all moved mountains to be with me and really DO this. We had Source in Sheffield shut up shop totally for the whole day. We had students playing hookey from college, we had cars come from New Milton in Hampshire, Worthing and Brighton in Sussex and the legendary girthy K&M Acoustics van all the way from Wigan. Firestarter came, Jamie Spooner even sent his car down without him, they all came. Here’s who they are, what they have and what they do, plus some of each perpetrator’s very own attitude to life, bass and babes. Do note that I have rated the wattage for the oomph actually flowing with the hook-up they are using. None of this 300 watts ‘as rated’, 150dB bollocks, please gentlemen. The average wattage is 3 kilowatts, the average SPL of these cars 149.8dB. Total watts, fifty thousand.
Bradley ‘Badly’ Coole
VEHICLE: Peachfuzz Pink Granada
AMPS: 4 x Longmill Prophet PRX13
SUBS: 16 x 15 inch Longmill PSW5410
ACTUAL WATTS: 1,200w
DECIBELS: 152.5dB at the UK dB drag finals, Earls Court.
Not an ideal way to spunk cash as these subs are only £50 each. Brad and his dad are about to get into the ICE trade. They certainly know their stuff. This is hard. Says Brad, ‘It must be technological, I was in T3. And mine is the loudest car in Sussex, despite the story about Duncan in the Evening Argus.’
Geoff Kerss
VEHICLE: ‘Firestarter’ a ’50s split-screen ex-VW campervan-based fire engine
AMPS: 8 x Zapco Z600
SUBS: 8 x Cerwin-Vega! Stroker 15
ACTUAL WATTS: 8,000w
DECIBELS: 155.5dB without an alternator, just his Intercity train-starting batteries
The loudest Amateur in the country has this to say, ‘There’s been louder, but I’m the one with the trophy.’ I now know for a fact that Liam, Keith Flint and the rest of their lot in the Prodigy have in fact heard about this van. I can offer them access now. Just call me dude.
Source, Sheffield
VEHICLE: Rover 220GTi
AMPS: 4 x 0.6kW Phase Linear
SUBS: 4 x Phase Linear Aliante flat piston, longthrow tens
ACTUAL WATTS: 600w
DECIBELS: 145dB
Savage and odd, these four strange looking tens can really rip the poo out of you, hence their respectable dB readings. One of only two ‘normal’ style installs allowed to attend on the day. This car has four seats, rather than the regulation only-two-left. Source closed their whole Sheffield shop for the day. I love you.
Jamie Spooner
VEHICLE: Mac Audio Pug
AMPS: 2 x Mac Audio MP2505
SUBS: 8 x Mac Audio MP3042 12 inchers
ACTUAL WATTS: 1,600w
DECIBELS: 147dB
‘Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I sent the car. Oh yeah, the amp that’s running, it set on fire last night but I’m going strong.’ What a bloke, I’d never let anyone else at my car. A brave man with less-then-trendy audio branded kit. But hey, 147dB is serious. It’s seismic.
Chris Merritt
VEHICLE: Knackered old red Cortina
AMPS: 4 x ProPlus PPA1200
SUBS: 8 x Lanzar die cast DC15 15 inchers
ACTUAL WATTS: 6,000w ‘of square waves’
DECIBELS: 154.4dB
‘This is the most underestimated car on the circuit. Er, probably the oldest too…’ Chris Merritt loves to see the cocky young braves in their late-model cars looking pleased with themselves. Then he shags them with his Lanzars. His set up has been tweaked to run as street sounds or balls-out, to the limit ‘square waves’ through the long-suffering ProPlus top-size watt-houses.
Jim Merrett
VEHICLE: BMW Three Series of recent date.
AMPS: 2 x Autotek HC250mxi
SUBS: 8 x Atomic 1594 fifteens
ACTUAL WATTS: 1,600w
DECIBELS: 149.3dB
Same sound, different dude to the Christopher chap in his Cortina, this guy is a refugee from the Sound Quality sound of life. His car is really pretty and clean. So is his front sound stage. He just happens to have a very large amount of bass and no back seats in his shiny Beemer. ‘I’m going to rip it all out tomorrow, I’ll be going with US Amps next year.’
Duncan Virgo
VEHICLE: Granada-with-a-wall-of-death
AMPS: 6 x Phoenix Gold ZX200s
SUBS: 12 x JL Audio 12W0 12 inchers
ACTUAL WATTS: 2,100w
DECIBELS: 149.9dB
A man of great fame. Brighton and environs’ local paper, called the Argus, has latched onto him, calling him all kinds of things and stating his Granada was the loudest car in Sussex. Brad’s dad got right on the phone to them. Meanwhile the Brighton pier ‘DJ’ called David Jayssen, has written a letter in the paper basically saying that Dunc’s a punk. Sack the ignorant fool.
Stuart Smith
VEHICLE: Beaten-up SPL-special Astra
AMPS: 5 x Alpine V12 MRV 1505T
SUBS: 5 x Atomic 1594 fifteens
ACTUAL WATTS: 4,500w
DECIBELS: 155.8dB if not all day
At the first event of the year, Stuart brought his precious Saab to Doncaster to enter the dB drag racing with a removable system that still hit 146.5dB. Because he could take it out when he got home, I called him a ‘weekend warrior’ on the P.A. system when I was compering. He was so angry he went out and bought an Astra to abuse. The inside of this car is hard. Literally, it’s all MDF boxy surfaces, concrete floor and no seats, with super-solid construction. I’ve had to eat humble pie ever since. The man will be a force to be reckoned with next year.
Jamie Doland, small Filipino boy for Ashley Audio, New Milton
VEHICLE: Nova
AMPS: 1 x Rockford Fosgate 225.2
SUBS: 4 x Rockford Fosgate DVC12 twelves
ACTUAL WATTS: 450w
DECIBELS: 150.1dB
Read the watts, read the decibels. Like the ICEMAN, a really good installation is what gets you the bass. Jamie came all the way from New Milton, like Brad Coole, a south coastal dwelling organism. A lovely install and a real credit to Tim Fox at Ashley Audio, one of the top five true craftsman shops in the land, who also let him play hookey for the day. Cheers, Tim.
Kam Jagpal – still hitting the high numbers with last year’s subs
VEHICLE: Escort van called Virtual Reality
AMPS: 22 x Pioneer GMX802
SUBS: 22 x Pioneer 1200C twelve inchers
ACTUAL WATTS: 13,200w
DECIBELS: 155.6dB all bloody day and please turn it down, I’ve called the Police
A really lovely example of the evil logarithm at work. Notice, children, just how many more subwoofers this needs to get to a consistent 155+dB score. This is one of the longest-range street basserators in the land, if not the baddest we have. Just wait until you see his second project. The man is deranged and I love him very much indeed.
In Phase
VEHICLE: Diesel stock-for-a-market-trader shifter. Like a square thing.
AMPS: 2 x US Amps USA 200s
SUBS: 6 x Atomic 1594 fifteens
ACTUAL WATTS: 1,040w
DECIBELS: 150dB again, all day if need be.
A lovely demo wagon and filled with good things. You should see the huge golden-bristling Alphatec power capacitor bank housing for each bass amp channel. It is amazing and very loud indeed.
K&M Acoustics – Girth on Wheels
VEHICLE: Transit van
AMPS: 6 x HiFonics Son of Colossus 1.1kW monoblocks
SUBS: 12 x Cerwin Vega! XL18S cast-frame longthrow eighteens
ACTUAL WATTS: 6,600w
DECIBELS: 153dB
The lads from Wigan have been banned from just about everywhere now. They have always run twelve eighteens of this biggest, deepest variety. They can make the ground shake all on their own and their bass carries at least a couple of miles with a breeze. Yellow and Green and mean all over. The undisputed bass kings of the UK.
Ian ICEMAN – had the loudest car (not van) in the UK for years and years and years
VEHICLE: BMW Hartge 327i convertible
AMPS: He never, ever, told any bastard this fact.
SUBS: 2 x 12 inch SPL 12 from SoundStream
ACTUAL WATTS: ‘Sufficient’ is all he’ll say
DECIBELS: 142dB
Ian’s all grown up now and in-between building projects of great might and beauty with other people, he cruises in a two-twelves-only BMW. He was once an outcast at sound off contests, only showing up to take the SPL trophies away To those that know about the British Street Bass scene, he’s a walking legend. Believe me, the ground tickles when he thumps and the darn thing’s a convertible. That’s not supposed to be possible, Ian.
Stuart Thompson who once had a Mars but melted it
VEHICLE: Astra
AMPS: 1 x Earthquake UHC40
SUBS: 4 x HiFonics Zeus 12
ACTUAL WATTS: 400w
DECIBELS: 147.1dB
Stuart competes with big brother Gary and mate Kev. He used to have an HiFonics Mars amplifier, meant to run at low impedance, but, ‘somebody melted the Mars didn’t they?’ said Gary, ‘Yes, and someone else had to come to the rescue with the Earthquake, didn’t they?’ said Kev. Good lads, came from Dartford, which was nice.
The Results
First, lets get the real science out of the way. For one, our scientists were keen to point out that this wasn’t a real earthquake. My own opinion is that if we all drove down their street and fired up like we did at the Pod, the fabric and decorative items of their homes would have their very own opinions. Panicky, fall-off-and-smash ones. I’ve seen the big windows shake at McDonalds and know the man who got talked to by the cops about messing with the cash machine’s anti-tamper alarm by Remote Bass Attack.
Anyway, we managed no better than a pathetic 2.4 Richter last time. This time, we hit 3.0 Richter consistently, getting the same on Yello, or Iceman J or even the individual CDs of choice in each dash. We got a 3.1 on Iceman J at event 36, which I am told meant it was 140% of the energy of the 3.0 Richter run. But get this, and cower in craven respect, for the K&M van got a 3.2 Richter magnitude equivalent, all on it’s own. All we did was to cover nearly a third of its output with the other vans, just making the ‘quake cover a bigger area at 3.1 Richter.
K&M Acoustics, it is proven, you are mad, bad and dangerous to know. I throw down a challenge to the world on your behalf. Can any other thing from any other nation shake the turf any harder? I don’t think so. If you too want more than enough, then call K&M in Wigan on 01942 820174. Overall, we spanked the turf a massive EIGHT times harder than the last time. If any of these guys pulls up outside and you have picture windows, then it’s time to be really worried.
I Know the Bloke That Burnt A Million Quid – Honest.
Do you remember the Justified Ancients of MuMu, also known as the KLF? Their hits were complex and kickin’ and I bought them all. Then, later, I learned about Advanced Acoustic Armaments and the shadowy figure of Jimmy Cauty, talented painter, ex KLF rock star and owner of two ex-Army Saracen armoured personnel carriers, each with a six litre straight six Rolls Royce engine, mortar launch tubes, savage acoustic weaponry and two inch thick armour.
Anyway, he, as part of a protest about commercialism in the arts, once set fire to and didst burn until it was all gone, on film, a million quid. The camera crew I went with to film the Triple A story had a brave man on it, who asked Mr. Cauty how he felt after burning the dosh. He said, ‘Poor.’ But you know, he told me afterwards that he would have only wasted it anyway. After spending only a short time with him, I kinda believed that. Respect.
Fifteen Sheds a Go-Go
As I led the throng of the loudest cars in the country along the Pod’s cracked concrete carriageway to the turf at the Pod we were going to pound, I turned and saw them, all strung out in a line. I felt like the Toecutter out of Mad Max, or more accurately the mad nutter in charge of the gang of baddies in the sequel. They looked a motley crew, different sizes, shapes and graphics patterns but all in the line for me and for you lot, from all over England’s Merrie Land. And inside every single one, enough bass to blast your bollocks into your brain. None of these is moderate. All of them can offend the elderly at half a mile. To those who came, I salute you. To those who crapped out, you missed out.
Thanks to
All those individuals who came to take part, complete with entourage in some cases, a huge thank you. To Santa Pod’s manager. A large big up yer, respec’ top super an’ all that; to Vibrock, ta for letting me at £3,500 of seismometer, and to Glenn Ford at the British Geological Survey’s Global Seismology department in Edinburgh, cheers for being such a sport and doing my daft sums in your lunch break.
2007 UPDATE- Nine years later
I called K&M and they are still there doing the same thing and guess what? Their old van is still maintained. They go out less as they have all started families but the equipment remains and ‘None of it’s broke!’ Incredibly, despite the pounding, it is all the same equipment and it all works. The only component that is failing is the Ford, which is showing its age and has rusty back doors now. But then they all do now. The King still lives and is in fact my single favourite automotive electronics installation of All Time, because of what it did, and most of all what it does still do and entirely because it has been kept and used all these years. It’s about building and design craftsmanship but most of all, it’s about the Music and enjoyment. I will shed real tears the day it finally crumbles.