Week Seventeen It’s A Generational Thing
Yup, I still owe you the Lambo, the Morel interviews and more but it has been a short week and sadly the work came second for good reasons this week as I lost my dad, Desmond Rayner. He died on Easter Sunday morning after spending some time in hospital recently. He was 85 and had lived a life filled with amazing achievements, as my mum, Claire Rayner OBE’s career would not have existed without him as her manager and publishing agent. In fact, when Sir Jimmy Young re-negotiated with the BBC, he asked my dad to help. He was his only client apart from Claire. Des painted landscapes and abstract art and was featured in an exhibition in the Piper Gallery in London’s Fitzrovia last year. I am dead proud that he Googles: link
It is bloody hard, yet so much worse for a parent to outlive their own children. That is desperately wrong and I have run no less than three obituaries about blokes in our community in this column. Alex Butwell in an RTA just last month, plus Harry Bo and Joe Ajii, rest their souls. Yet this is not the same horrible waste.
So, in pensive mood, I recall that my mum used to say, ‘Yer parentsthey f*** you up, you know!’ whilst fully including herself and my pa in that. And so while I may get antsy before flying away as mum was crap at that, yet enjoyed travelling and while I may be way too ebullient and larger than life for some as a result of her influence, I also recall the big things my dad gave me.
Like cars.
He was not a fan of flash ones but knew his motors and liked to register a ‘˜ton’ on the way anywhere distant, back when that was a bit er, ‘˜progressive’. We had bastard great Peugeot estates with three rows of seats years before people carriers. And as they were for Frenchmen to overload and barrel down south on L’Autoroute Du Soleil, they could do it with three kids, au pair and a LOT of luggage. I remember the radio aerial bending back, whistling as I sat in the back, travelling really rather rapidly.
And as my dad was of the generation who stretched every 1930’s Harry Potter house into a through lounge with an RSJ (Reinforced Steel Joist) and extension, back in the Seventies, we had this twenty seven foot long lounge. And that meant a STEREO RECORD PLAYER! It was not posh, not HiFi of any kind but I can recall with perfect clarity the moment I heard stereo. And it was at the very dawn on vinyl, as most was still bloody mono! It was amazing. My favourite was a Tufty Club LP.
I was six.
The picture above is the last one that was taken of him. Oddly, I was also the maker of the last bit of ‘˜stuff to camera’ that my mum did too. Des is survived by my wonderful bossy elder sister Amanda and my younger brother Jay, who is the food critic and food geopolitic author who is seen on BBC 1’s ONE Show as well as Masterchef and other places.
So, cars, music and my ridiculous hearing are all from him by genetics as in nature as well as what I was taught, as in nurture. So apologies for hijacking the Talk Audio column but your editor is but human and the music is about passion and what drives us. Put it this way, all three of us offspring KNOW exactly what the song is that he will want played as he leaves us.
That said, I have a slew of stuff I want to publish and will simply be putting in the hours to make work and life balance. I know nobody would expect one to work instead of sending time looking after things but for a Rayner, it is how we tick. And I can see BOTH my parents looking at me over their glasses’ tops at the breakfast table. Des silent and Claire saying, ‘But it’s WORK, Darling.. work!’
0:45am on the Tuesday after the Monday I shoulda thrown this down.. this has been a hard one to write.
Adam Rayner On Line Editor