Week Thirty In Which The BEEB’s Inbox Crashes

I was moved to have a hashtag created for me, to promote my efforts to enter the exalted world of the Top Gear coterie. It is #AR4TGP or Adam Rayner For Top Gear Presenter! (I think it has been shared like, 14 times) I have used the picture Dave Snypa did, for this week’s column as I LOVE it! It proves I can act for telly, as the super-happy face in this shot was a damn lie. I took the selfie at a sound off. My boss had been properly ill-used by the people who ran this sound off’s location, immediately beforehand and I was angry as hell at the time Not bad eh? ACTOR!! And having made some video clips to audition for Top Gear, had my chums choose which clip to use and then transmit the thing, I was feeling kinda happy that I had done it. I was proper nervy and did my best, to say otherwise is to be way beyond bloody cocky.
So I nearly died, when I got an e-mail message from Auntie, saying there was a problem with my e-mail. I had downloaded a downloader, then downloaded my upload to YouTube errrmall to end up with a small enough file. Having checked it worked as a simple MP4, before I sent it, I was of course immediately terrified that it was my fault. I checked again, took the spaces out of the file name and retransmitted.
I couldn’t help myself but call the researcher this morning, as all BBC employees have a mail header with their direct line on it. And the chap told me their mailbox had crashed and he was certain it was OK, now. Or 99%, darn it, I will e-mail just to ask to check, as TODAY is the LAST day you can enter.
Now it’s RANT TIME! And Rayner Aficionados know I rant in 24 Karat.
My lovely new-to-me camera, a Canon 7D, has driven me to shop for accessories. Clifton Cameras was the spot on line, lovely to deal with, knowledgeable and massively good reviews. And they sell optics and I have wanted a REAL telescope for ever. They had a 10% off weekend. Read on
First a big thank you to my professional photographer friend Steve “Spike” Brown of Blue Feather photography, for telling me about the Tring Astronomy Centre, who are a UK company site and are simply “tringastro” as their on line address.), as I did not know that we had such a super-specialist in our area and will spend my four figures with them instead.
Now here is why I gave Clifton one star.
I’m a professional journalist I have worked on Top Gear magazine, CAR magazine, Fast Car magazine and Max Power magazine and even hilariously was actually the first car journalist to write real copy in the Exchange & Mart. Despite this actually being THE journalistic joke, I was in reality the first person to do this in their 140 year history!
I recently acquired a Canon 7D Mk I and purchased some bits and bobs from Clifton that I needed. I wanted a remote shutter release and at last.. a spotter scope like the teacher had on the bird watching trips I used to go on as a kid.
We were driving to the area for an art exhibition in Gloucester and after a visit kept brief so that we could go shop, we drove to Dursley to visit the premises.
The thing is, the magnificent double fronted shop premises is in a small pedestrianised area, very posh and the parking is close by. However, not being able to see the shop from the car, I tried to telephone them, to simply ask for the last guidance to find the place. The phone system has a voice-over and four options. You have to keep pressing button one over and over and over… And then it tells you to leave a message and hangs up. I did this thrice and got no answer.
Parking in an area I hoped was close by, I made my way into the precinct area, and found the shop. Stood outside, coquetting for the camera was a “moddle”, having her photograph taken by a member of staff while another one watched from the doorway. When I was on Fast Car, we broke, first Jordan, then Leilani, then Jakki Degg… And bless her, this lass looked like a “moddle” as against a ‘model’.
I walked in the front door and found the magnificent showroom, and four more members of staff. There were no members of the public present anywhere. I was the only customer as such. I walked in and looked around myself astonished. And asked, “Do you not answer your telephones? I called three times. Just listen to your answerphone message.”
To his credit, the youngest lad present did attempt to defend the businesses’ honour. He said, “yes we do`..`”
The thing is, I have wanted a quality spotting scope my whole life. Finally I can afford one. Clifton Cameras have a great selection and were running a deal for 10% off just for the weekend. We drove from London and yet because no member of staff would deign to pick up the phone, I decided to take my money and my urge to a different business.
The husband and wife who run the Tring Astronomy Centre are going to benefit instead.
If I was the owner of Clifton Cameras and paying all those people, I would be bloody livid, especially when I discovered that the customer wanted to spend around a grand on a spotting Scope.
I think I’m done here.
Goodbye Clifton and thank you for nothing… Oh and if you’re young male staff need it, have a collection of old 1980s softcore porn magazines I can post you, if you like, just so that testosterone doesn’t lose you any more sales.”

What’s really funny, is just how rough that poor girl WAS!
Adam Rayner On Line Editor!