Fat Bloke Full Of WIN! Rayner Awarded Lifetime Achievement by Peers

That’s ‘˜peers’ as in those in the same world, as against lords and ladies For it has just been the eighth Mobile Electronics News awards dinner. (as was Car Audio Retailer) The only mobile electronics trade magazine we have ever had. They run a trade Expo in March and a schprauncey black tie awards evening to link in with an awards issue every October.
It’s always been the single best social of the year and has been the scene for some wild partying late into the wee hours in the past. I have been compere a few times and was last year, just three days after my mum died. I’d had a gap and the previous presenter fellow had kind of allowed the crowd to get unruly and noisy, ignoring the actual awards ceremony.
Gordon Dutch, the G in BBG, who were major ice importers, had to storm the stage and have a rant as no-one was paying attention to Graham Johnson of Alpine trying to deliver a thank you speech for being awarded the Lifetime Achievement award. So, when asked to compere, I determined they would hear and adjusted the PA so it was clear at a whisper. But as it was an AKG professional radio microphone and JBL live concert-grade active speakers, if I shouted, it hurt.
And I did a bit, pretending to be an usher as they came in, but just gently explaining how it was going to be this year and a few times making odd loudness, like telling Jaz Dahele and Brian Parton of FOUR to ‘SIDDOWN!’ which I can get away with and knew it so I kept their attention. And as I was feeling a bit overwrought I laid one out, with a rather large amount of swearing and they loved it. At the end, I gave my usual sign off (nicked from someone else, in the first place) and left the stage, only to be hauled back and given what I thought would be the only standing ovation that’d ever happen to me. Seen through a veil of snotty Tears Of Release, it was kind of naked in front of people. (But still only a one out of ten next to Adele and the O2 performance of Someone Like You.) I treasure the memory.
It was the same night I got to give Atsuhiro Takeda of Alpine the Rep of the Year award as well. Now this year was a James Bond themed night, so I wore the bow tie undone from the off, complete with five o’clock shadow and had a slew of quotes.
‘Do you expect me to talk?’ ‘No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.’
I did explain that I could, having checked, get ALL around the room to discipline any rowdiness and indeed at one point had to chastise Les Brown. (Quick Aside: Les worked with me at Electrosystems and his boss thought he was a bit unlikely to stay long. Maybe sales director could tell he wasn’t liked. Well, he ended up as my boss and neither did I like him but Les did leave, only to stay at MA Distribution after he left Electrosystems for fifteen years until it was closed.) Which was just before the people awards. Products are all very well but the Contribution to the Industry award matters much more than any single gong for a headunit. Les was tickled.
This year, Rep Of The Year went to Tim Kay of Alpine, making Alpine the only outfit to have two such, I think and Keith Holness, he who started Alpine UK up with Graham Johnson a million years ago, got the Contribution to the Industry award. Then, starting up into the announcement, as I had been told, that my editor ‘EdUnit’ Martyn Williams (used to edit Car HiFi, now edits M.E.N.) was to get the Lifetime Achievement award and my microphone went dead.
Just as I was going to check the switch and see if I had done something stupid, I hear Marty’s voice in the PA saying, ‘BWA ha-hayou think you have controlI have the microphone and now.. and going on to inform me that I was in fact the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement and once again I found myself in a state in front of a crowd standing up, applauding. This time it was laughter, tears and snot all at once after a truly rare moment.
Wherein the most voluble fat bastard you ever met was actually, momentarily totally lost for wards.

I am quite pathetically grateful to the guys at Mobile Electronics News’ Creative Media company for running the awards, for having me as columnist and compere as well as reporting on some shows for them and for those as voted as they always say on the X Factor. A massive thank you.
Now I have to buck the trend as previous Lifetime Achievement award winners have mostly promptly retired!
And Spike the snapper started a thread on Facebook and Guru started a thread on the General Car Audio forum board and messages have been pouring in, in pages, all absolutely bloody lovely, full of stuff about it being deserved and how long ago THEY would have had me win it!
But the odd thing is, I feel a bit guilty, like I’m some kind of a charlatan, who aughta be looking over his shoulder to see who they meant, even though I am ‘˜not that secretly’ delighted/thrilled/chuffed/made-up all at the same time. And it’s been lovely to get all the support.
But if you’ve read thus far into what feels the single most indulgent item I ever wrote and see me at a show or something next season, do remember to come up and tell me that I said to say, ‘Oi Rayner, you WANKAH!’ next time you catch up with me.
It’ll be good grounding.