Girls & Cars

I will start with an apology. If you thought you were about to see a sane, sensible report about a car show, it’s participants and the mobile electronics, well, I have failed you.
For this show, the wonderful Modified Mania 09, was the fourth time it has been run by the promoter and the first time at the new Smeatharpe Stadium venue. A classic ex-airfield with earth banks and Armco around a simple quarter-mile Oval, it’s like Arena Essex and Matchams and so many others. A haven for banger racing and only allowed seventeen car race days a year by the local council, so a static car show meant an extra day’s use of the venue for the owners and as long as there were no complaints about nudity or noise, the boss was going to be happy.
However, one of the ways the show was first promoted was to emphasise the ‘Girls’ end of the ‘Cars & Girls’ culture. I spotted the line up, went all weak at the knees and called up the promoter to wheedle a gig. I am so unutterably glad I did and grateful to him as I know I will never, ever work so knee deep in gorgeous young chicks ever again in a whole career – unless he has me back!
It was well organised and had a lot of local car clubs show up, with Scoobies in proliferation, being the perfect hoon-mobile for deep West Country roads of much windingness. The Scooby tuner who was one of the promoters’ main sponsors was talking to me about the way they do things and told me they can take an Impreza up to 600bhp plus. My tyre fitting matey round the corner with the street-standard WRX gets 185 miles or so out of sixty litres and 200 miles between fill ups. One of those would need to be filled every hundred miles. The mad thing was that he described driving on ‘just’ 400bhp as ‘poodling around’.
But shameful though it is to admit, I saw very little of the rest of the show, for promoter man had fixed up lots of wonderful stuff as well as a bunch of poofy break dancers, who got up, saw a grey sky and did a simple no-show-never-be-booked-again job. A call to the boss would at least have been professional of them! The stage was to be shared with Danielle Christie, a lass from my home town (so we were both well far flung) who was made famous by TV’s “The Garage”. Remember hearing the catch phrase “Buckle up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”? Well, that was our Danni. A delight to work with, really knows her cars and mods and was happy to walk right out further along the naughty tightrope than I would as a bloke, so it got a bit wild around the edges!
This dude from Plymouth, all six foot three of blond god, had organised a charity girly calendar with a contest to find the twelve who would go in it, under the title Plymouth Calendar Girls He had chatted up thirty or so of the most arrestingly pretty and sweet girls of Plymouth who wanted to be in the calendar and they were selling last year’s as well for their hospice charity.
A few of them entered the Miss Modified Mania Wet Tee Shirt contest as well, which was outrageously fun. Especially when Danni asked them to dance upagainst the Fat Bloke. There was this tall wavy-haired blonde with a lot of curves and a naughty look in her eye. I thought I was going to pass out!

Then of course it was one of only a few of this season’s UK appearances of the
Fuel Girls”>
– who now do a choreographed routine and dance with, wear and breathe fire. It was bloody sexy and scary all at once. They were just back from a gig at the Playboy Mansion and were hopped up on administering some Pleasure/Pain to volunteer lads. The boys who got up on stage were soundly whupped but not as badly as the girls from the Eden Lounge (all virtuoso pole artists) whipped John, a security lad from their club. They beat the hell out of him – way past my comfort zone but ruddy hysterical to be a part of. You should have seen what those women could do on a chalk-coated chromed pole! I have never seen ‘owt like it and I’ve seen a few…..
Canvassing girls with a radio mike for the wet tee shirt contest was as much fun as it ever was and I didn’t get slapped by any boyfriends. Talking of boyfriends, Danielle’s bloke was there too. They met at the screen testing for The Garage and have been an item ever since. He’s disgustingly good looking but then when you are Danielle Christie, you are going to pull a man-god, incha? Irritatingly pleasant and well-adjusted, too. Would have been easier to cope with had he been an ego-narcissist! (Fact is they are anglers and go carping. I’d love to see Danni all cute in baggy camouflage. Careful Adam, Guru)
So, Plymouth Calendar girls, wet tee women, Eden Lounge pole dancers and the Fuel Girls on fire plus Danielle Christie. What’s not to love? Fire, cars, cream, flagellation. I had such a fun time, I was gutted when it finished.
And yes, there were cars there so an unreserved apology to those wanting to see West Country Ice, you got West Country Nice instead!
Drool over this little lot…….
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Photgraphy by David Roffey and Colin Robinson