NWS There WERE Cars Involved, Honest!
WARNING, CONTAINS TITS!
The last time I worked a show with this much emphasis on the women, I began it thus
‘I will start with an apology. If you thought you were about to see a sane, sensible report about a car show, its participants and the mobile electronics, well, I have failed you.’
For like the time I went to that do in Devon, (and on a need to know basis, that one is here: link) this event was pretty much girl-centric. However, it was also a whole new idea for the UK and in my opinion, along with swinging parties, boom contests in the pits at Arena Essex and long-stay Carp fishing, is a kind of lifestyle choice I can understand. Even if they do seem a little damnned odd or unpleasant to those who don’t ‘˜get’ it. (Gedditt? Heh heh)
So, if you disapprove of blokes’ interest in porn on the net and think that women who earn a living by being ornamental or horny and mental are bad creatures, then read no further. If however, you have a broad mind and get the whole slightly Bacchanalian concept of a pool party with porn stars, wannabe naughty birds and prizes for the best rides in the section outside, then stay with us. For the location was a bit special. Built alongside a lovely old 1930’s pukka Lido style pool with a big fountain at one end, the King’s Oak in Epping, north of London, has a fabulous deck and thousands of quid’s worth of double water-safe ‘˜daybeds’. Some as four posters with curtains and they have a simple policy that no naked rudeness is allowed on the premises. Unless they film it. I swear it is true, actual, policy.
That broad-mindedness expressed, I got into trouble within the first fifteen seconds of opening my mouth on the microphone while testing the system, as I think I said ‘˜fuck’. I got told off by the owner, a nice lady who just didn’t want the PA system to be broadcasting expletives to the other side of her property boundary! I kept the swearing to BBC grade after thator tried to.
Here’s the general look of the event, from poolside, beginning with some of the great and the good of the car audio scene, arsing around quite badly in the background. Oh and by the way, where I appear soaking wet, it isn’t sweat, it’s because I put my head in the fountain.
br />
There WERE cars, there, honest! And the clip below is the proof. Ian Iceman Pinder and his mate Pixie were the judges, along with Yours Truly and in the event, it was a doddle as three cars stood RIGHT out. There was a lovely Pug with 200BHP and a £2,500, spray art job, still not yet finished that we all easily agreed should take Best Exterior. There was a lovely Golf belonging to ‘Jazz 152dB’ who got Best Interior for his clean lines, huge Paul Richardson ice system and lovely trimming, also by Paul. And of course Jay Golinsky, who has even been on TV over his obsession with keeping his car spick and span, won Best of Show. The video below, however, kinda concentrates on the side-show, which was pornographer Lindsey Honey (Now there’s a porn legend name, which is actually his real one) better known as the legend that isBen Dover.
Now, of course, as you might expect from a Bentley-driving Pornographer (I actually know two) he does have a bit of an ego on him (the other one doesn’t, mind) and while he didn’t really want to share the one mic with a mouthy fat git, he did rely on me a couple of times for the classic whip-the-hoop-along I provided and then he and Louise ‘˜Lou-Lou’ Davies proceeded to judge the models present by demanding they lap-danced Ben. I am quite clearly slightly out of control and soaking wet in this one.oh lordy..
And then, I swear I got asked to set this thing upan idea someone ELSE had had but I worked out how to do It’s the utterly game and totally delicious ex-Grid Girl Laura-Jane and the resulting video is so much better than any I have ever seen before, we make the Americans look staid, uncreative and timid with women. From the Land Of Decadence And Serious Villainy (well, that’s how Americans see us Brits) Talk Audio now brings you a phenomenon now henceforth to be described as The Skirt Trick!
The lovely and brave Laura-Jane…
I love this shot. Porn star in foreground relishing the rudeness. Page Three girls to her side and behind still innocent enough to be gently amused. But the bloke’s open mouthed erotic astonishment is bloody hilarious to me.
Steve Turrisi of JL Audio saw my Facebooked linky to the weekly blog in which I referenced this gig and commented ‘Nice job you have there Adam!’. It does all add up to some strange stuff, I will admit. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
And last but by no means least, two of the cutest, sexiest and plain adorably chirpy-naughtiest of all the girls at the event were Selina and Sabrina. Selina is the littler lass and won Best Up & Coming Model, a huge trophy to take home. I shamelessly set up a paired Booty Shake Victory Dance as I had seen them wriggling about to Rhianna earlier and just felt it would make my life complete if I could only ask them to wiggle their bottoms for the camera. We dragged some posh poolside furniture aside on the deck and they went for it. It’s only a minute long but oh wow is it fun! I really should have got Sabrina to remove the branded sticker on the back of her thigh as you couldn’t read it anyway
So there you have it. A day of Summer Madness, for link organised by the chap known as Bluskie, otherwise as the erudite and skilled Nathan Beckles. He writes fine error-free copy as well with a lovely turn of phrase and is as professional a promoter as I have ever worked with. Paddling like fury under a cool-seeming outside, he just pulled off an event that was Simply Smokin’.
I reckon Joe Ajji would have loved it!
Aaaand for the pervs (that’ll be all of you, then) here is the full gallery of the day and the model shots we got sent in advance. The shots of Dolly Delight and Shardaey Caramello who never made it to the event, I leave in, simply because they are both so damn fine to look at!
link